Entry: I don't know what I'm doing Wednesday, April 28, 2004

...there I've said it.

I hate saying it. It hate thinking it and I especially hate knowing it, but I have no clue of what I am doing next year.

I went to my audition. It went well. I guess. Rather, it went as well as can be expected for having a cold that was mainly affecting your throat when you had to sing and act. I'm supposed to find out around the 10th if I got in or not, but I don't know if I really want to go there. Something tells me already that I would not be happy there and I know it's not just about me being happy, but that has been the main source of my floating around to this point anyways.

Before leving for the audition I had to e-mail a few teachers about it all because I was going to be missing their classes for the audition. My choir teacher e-mailed me back and said he would really just like to sit down and tlak with me about everything, so I went and talked to him this morning. He is someone I definately respect. He's a teacher that has no fear in talking about his belief in God, but he doesn't get pushy about it. He's also the choir director at the church I have gone to recently.

Regardless, during our conversation I was realizing how silly all my jumping around was and how much I wasn't really thinking of much while I was doing it. I really like U of I, I'm just afraid of getting stuck in Idaho for the rest of my life without me making an actual decision that it is where I shoudl be. I don't ever want to feel stuck or trapped in any one location.

Regardless, I have no clue what I'm thinking or where I'm heading next year. I need to make a decision and I need to make it now or very VERY soon. I just don't know how to do it. I suppose I'll figgure it all out soon enough. Prayer and time...oh but the time is something I don't want to afford.


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